The Show Must Go On

We all want what’s best for our kids. That looks different to everyone. We all have different pasts. We all lead different lives, and we all have different dreams. I think the goal when you look at who will be in your life along this crazy journey of parenting, is that we find someone with similar hopes and dreams.

Nearly every decision I make has my kids in mind. I say nearly, because let’s be honest, I’m a human too and they aren’t a part of every single moment of my life, but anything I do does reflect back on them. I guess that comes along with the title of Mom and Dad.

PJ and I didn’t see eye to eye on everything. I don’t suppose most people do. One of the ways he “got” me though, was his way with kids.  He was so good with them and always interacted and made situations fun. And when we had our own he did for a while.

When things changed, I decided it wasn’t what was best for our kids. And some things weren’t. I stand strong that I was right on that. But I was also wrong in my thoughts.

I looked at what was happening and “I” decided that he didn’t have their best interests at heart. Here’s what I’m finding out about that…I don’t think I’m 100% right. Hindsight is 20/20, so they say. I’ll give it 20/40. Because I still don’t have answers and never will. Maybe he did the right thing when he’d hide away from us. Because when he did that he was in no shape to be a father figure, and definitely not the one he wanted to be. So he didn’t let them see that. Wouldn’t it be a perfect world if that could have been avoided altogether?  Unfortunately, he was battling things inside that we didn’t get to see.  At least not like he did. He hid the worst part of himself from his kids, like most parents do, whether we’d like to admit it or not.

But I still saw it. Not the ugly part that took him away. But the surface. I saw that.  I naively believed my children saw it too. Guess what?  They didn’t. They saw a man that loved them. A man that enjoyed life with them, when he was around. They saw the Dad that came to school functions and games and called every night to see how their days were.  And that’s who they miss.

Avery had her first game without him. She didn’t say much about it. Landon did. He remembered that Daddy always bought him nachos and Gatorade at the ball field. So, every grandparent was eager to get him those things!  The game went on. Avery played her heart out. Landon got his nachos.  Her team won!

And just like that game went on, like all the others will, we will go on too!  And we will win…even if we don’t win every “game!”

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