Father’s Day

Happy Father’s Day!

There’s a lot to say about this day. It hasn’t been the same for me in seven years. I loved celebrating my Daddy!  He was the best!  He fixed everything from the physical to emotional. He had a special way of making everything right. He was the older, male version of me…whatever that means!  When he passed I thought my world would end. But that’s impossible when you have a child and a husband. So I figured out a way to make a new normal without him. But my word, his death was hard. However life has to move on.

We celebrated many Fathers Days after that. But I missed him like crazy. I still do. My Landon never got to meet him. Which is so sad, because they are so very similar. I didn’t think I’d have to feel that type of loss again for a very long time. But we did. And when your children suffer the same loss, only maybe worse, because they didn’t get the time I did to build that relationship over the years, it’s easy to put it on the back burner and focus on them and their pain.

I don’t love to dwell in pain and suffering, so maybe it’s good I don’t focus on my dad so much anymore. My focus is on my children and that’s where it should be now.

I wasn’t sure what to expect from them today. I knew it would be really good, or really bad. We talked about PJ.  We shared memories. And they weren’t sad. They were excited to discuss him. We called all the grandparents and friends, and in that moment, Landon asked to call one of my favorite people. He wanted to wish him a Happy Fathers Day. My selfless  four year old recognized that a person close to us needed a Fathers Day wish.   Not because he’s his dad, but because he cares about him and feels comforted by him.

And later, we got to go celebrate the amazing dad he is to his own child. And that could be an understatement, because he really is pretty great.  That story isn’t mine to tell so I won’t!  I’ll share my side though!

During that celebration, my kids didn’t have a moment of sadness. They were happy. They played, ate, played, and ate some more. Their hearts were happy. And so was mine.

We were surrounded by a truly loving family today. And my sweet babies didn’t have a second to get sad. They were enjoying the moment put in front of them.

I’m a firm believer that you don’t meet people by accident. And this is no exception. My heart is full!  And my kids are happy. What more can a momma ask for?

When I first started writing these entries, I didn’t know what would come of them. I still don’t. I really wish I could see my children’s thoughts. So I’d have a more realistic image of how they feel. But I’m pretty confident they are the happiest they can be in their little worlds, given what they’ve endured over the last few months. We’ve had a lot of ground to cover in the healing department. I’d say we all have come leaps and bounds from where we were on July 9, 2017.

We have one more first to get through. Daddy’s birthday. But we have a day planned and a memorial in place to honor his life and passion.

One thing I am certain of though, is that I couldn’t ask for better people to be by our sides.  So many moments come that could be so hard, but we have a crew that softens the blow every time!

We had a great day!  We celebrated some awesome Dads!  We are thankful! Life does go on after the death of a loved one.  It does!  And sometimes it turns out better than you could have imagined!


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