It’s okay to tell the truth…even if it hurts

If you know me well, you knew I’d be back!  I just like to talk and write too much. Haha!

We have been living up our summer days!  We took a trip to California that was full of fun adventures and spent the rest of the time enjoying the pool and outings around town.  We haven’t wasted any time not having fun!  Everyone has been in good spirits and many memories have been made!  It’s just about time to get back to reality and back on a routine, which I feel has brought on some Daddy feelings.  The questions have been rolling in about how he died.  With careful thought, I told them the truth.  Not all of it, but enough to settle the current questions.

They want to know how their Daddy died.  Of course they do.  “He was sick” is just not cutting it any longer.  So I filled them in a little bit.  I talked to my young children about mental illness.  I told them that sometimes it takes over and sometimes a person feels like the only way to escape it is to stop life.  And that’s is what their Daddy did.  I also told them that if he were here he would tell them he made a huge mistake.  I told them this is called suicide.  My seven year old already knew that word.  I had no idea she knew that word or what it meant.  We talked all the time, but I didn’t know she knew that! But she did know.  With all this talk, she amazed me.  She said, “My Daddy must have been really sick, because he would have never done that and left us on purpose.”  All I could do was hug her and agree.  She hit the nail on the head.  She “gets it” as far as her seven year old self can, and I had no idea!

In the beginning, I thought I’d wait until they were much older to share this awful truth with them.  I’m so glad I didn’t wait. I’ve been waiting for her to open up and talk about her feelings about her dad’s death.  It’s been crickets.  Until now.  Now she’s talking.  She is expressing her emotions and her thoughts and fears.  Her worries and her sadness.  She knew about mental illness…she just didn’t have a name for it.  She knew the word suicide…she just didn’t know anyone who had done that.  I would have never dreamed of talking to my young children about this until it was placed on them.  She already had heard of these things.  It’s amazing what our little people know and hear without our knowledge!  But I’m so thankful they heard this at a young age so I can help them as they grow with it and not try to sift through all the emotions as a teenager and just hope this news doesn’t throw them over the edge!  God spoke and said it’s ok.  Let them in on this, so I did.  There is so much they don’t know that they can’t handle right now.  But the doors of communication are finally open! There are more hard conversations to come, and we will cross that bridge when we get there.

There’s something very freeing about being honest about hard things with your kids.  Mine continue to amaze me daily.

If you pray, please send some up for us!  We’ve opened the grieving process up again, but this time with progress!

Most importantly, talk and listen!  There’s so much inside of all of us…even our littles…that goes unsaid and unheard!

 

5 thoughts on “It’s okay to tell the truth…even if it hurts

  1. Beautifully written. I absolutely agree that being truthful about hard things is so freeing. In our mind we think it will be better if we sugar coat it and only give small amounts of information. But when we decide to be age appropriately truthful it is eye opening. Knowing that we will help them navigate the emotions that it may bring on. Kids are so smart and also pretty darn resilient.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! It’s hard to be honest when you know it’s going to hurt your babies. But it’s real and necessary sometimes! I’m so proud of my kids. They didn’t choose this, but they are rockstars in the way they are handling it!

      Like

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