It’s been a while since I’ve written here! I suppose that means things have been pretty steady and there hasn’t been much to say.
The holidays are upon us and Christmas spirit is in full swing. At least for me. And for Landon. Avery has made it clear the last couple of weeks that Christmas just feels different this year.
Last year at this time, we had Disney on the brain! We were planning and looking forward to our first visit to the magical place all children dream of! All of our Christmas traditions were set aside to avoid the sadness that would inevitably come with the loss of PJ. We were living in the moment and avoiding the VOID that would come with him not here with them. It was perfect for the first year. However, we can’t live in this imaginary land and pretend that all things are as they should be. Because they are not. So this year, it’s real. And darn it, they feel it. My mommy heart wants to hide away on another vacation and keep that pain at bay. But it’s not reality so I have to let them live what is real. And that means that they will experience the entire holiday season without their Dad. They are hurting. And I am hurting for them.
I’ve always loved Christmas. My Dad did too. He was the opposite of the Grinch. He decorated and hung stockings for everyone…it was a long line of stockings. And every single one had a full manicure set every year. Apparently he needed our nails to be well groomed. Haha! He had his traditions. And I have mine. But this year, I’ve gone a little further with the holiday cheer. It makes me feel happy to see “Christmas” everywhere. Especially when my kids are finding it hard to find the cheer. So we will do any holiday adventure we can and decorate every inch of our home in Christmas if it makes a smile appear!
Every day of the year is a time of celebration for the life we have and the people we get to celebrate with. Christmas is another reminder, and a big one, that we are so lucky to have the people we love around us. This year, Avery proved that she gets that. She loves Christmas and of course loves getting present, but she said herself that Christmas is a time for family and she doesn’t get to spend it with all of hers. While that breaks my heart, I’m also so happy she sees past Santa and gifts. She wants togetherness. And so my heart is full.
We never know tomorrow. We think we do, but it’s really a mystery. I’m learning from my daughter to live each day to its fullest. Love everyone. Leave no regrets. Enjoy what you have and don’t quit! Life is short. And it’s CHRISTMAS! The time of love and magic! Be still and watch it all unfold!