Happy New Year! It’s that time when we all start looking for that magical change that’s supposed to wrap us up and create a “better” us than the year before. While I agree that goal setting is important, I’m not so sure that every January is the magical time. Should we not always be trying to be better than we were yesterday?
I guess you could say that’s my new outlook on life. But it didn’t happen on January 1st. And it wasn’t a goal I set on December 31st. My change happened somewhere between July 9, 2017 and now. I can’t pinpoint the day, because it’s been a process. I’ve always been a work in progress, and continue to be, but before that day I think I got stuck. Stuck feeling sorry for myself because life wasn’t working out according to my plan. I had two kids, and wanted three. I thought my Dad would live much longer than he did. I was married, and then divorced. I was a single mom and didn’t want to be. I couldn’t pay the bills, and blamed every situation that brought me to that point. And sadly, it wasn’t until the death of my children’s father that I stopped in my tracks…for longer than I’d like to admit, and realized I’m in charge of all of this. Maybe not the deaths that bring the ultimate life shifts, but all of the other.
I am learning that I get to choose my happiness. I don’t have to be sad and feel sorry for myself that my life isn’t “perfect.” Don’t be confused…I give myself moment of “this isn’t fair!” But I don’t stay there. I didn’t choose to be a SINGLE (with no Daddy present) mom. PJ’s addiction and mental illness chose that for us. It’s so easy to get stuck and be angry, but it does none of us any good for me to do that. So instead, I wake up everyday and choose to get up and face what we have. And I choose to be so grateful for it. I don’t live in the home that I dreamed and hoped that I’d have to raise my children in, but we have a home. They don’t have a Daddy to help them with homework or watch them in sports, or celebrate their successes. But they have me and so many other loving supporters in their corner. I don’t make enough money to take us on all the trips I wish we could go on, but there’s food on the table, clothes to wear, and we don’t struggle (all of the time). I don’t have a readily available extra set of hands to help with daily tasks, like household chores, carpools, or getting kids to bed at night. But I do have a tribe that’s always willing to help us out when called upon.
Life isn’t how I envisioned it would be. But it’s ours! I’m learning to be thankful for everything that’s in front of us and all that is yet to come. The possibilities are endless if we don’t sit idly by and wait.
So….may you continue to refresh your goals as the year goes on! Happy New Year!